Global Warming and You

Since it’s now 2019 I find it highly suitable to enter into the discussion about Global Warming/Climate Change/Climate Shift.

And by discussion, I mean linking together a bunch of arguments and resources in the hopes that I will defy probability and someone, somewhere, will absorb this analysis and the world will have been made better before it gets so unbelievably worse.

From here on out, I’ll refer to this whole concept of “everlasting change to our environment and society” as Climate Change, because while Global Warming works well for a headline it’s still too politically-charged, and the term Climate Shift has just popped onto my radar. Since I think it lacks teeth on purpose as a politically-neutral “starting point,” I’ll ignore it (almost) completely in my subsequent writings.

To start, there’s good reason(s) why the U.S. Department of Defense has classified Climate Change as a top security threat. I’m leading with DoD studies, because a majority of my audience is American, and America understands defense more than any of its other cabinet-level agencies, what with the murder-death-kill, and whatnot. Think if I led with arguments from the Department of Education or the Department of Labor that anyone would give a flying pig fuck? The answer is a resounding NO, you mostly illiterate brainslug.

I’ll sum things up here, but you should read the link above since it’s only 14 pages long, and you’re not that busy. After all, you’re reading this.

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Pictured: Your laborious schedule.

Basically, Climate Change is a major security consideration because it A) drives poverty; B) assaults sustainability; C) forces regional migration; D) increases social inequality; E) enhances environmental breakdown; and F) pushes civil unrest.

Where have you heard about these things before?

Syria.

But, you don’t have to take my word for it.

Here’s the most basic idea from all those threads. Climate Change in the region at the time increased drought conditions throughout the rural, ag-focused areas. With fewer opportunities to sustain their agricultural operations, rural populations were forced to migrate to urban areas that were already feeling the strain elsewhere throughout the Middle East and North Africa via Arab Spring. Syrian President Bashar Al-Assad’s tight grip was being felt throughout the country and civil war loomed. These aspects were all exacerbated by calls for insurrection, themselves likely fueled by regional and foreign (ie non-domestic) powers.

So, while numerous factors were ultimately responsible for creating a civil war-turned refugee crisis, it all started (and was arguably made worse) because of Climate Change.

Someday, when peace returns to the region, Climate Change will continue to drive economic unrest simply due to the fact that agricultural-based economies cannot survive long-term drought conditions. Even The Sahara was once the land of milk and honey.

Outside of Syria, major regional issues are being driven by massive weather events and more long-term problems that greatly affect food security. When people are hungry, they get desperate.

Mostly, coastal areas get the focus due to threat of rising ocean levels. But, massive swaths of land throughout Africa, South America and across Asia are facing problems as well. While most Americans might say “So What?” to that, when a majority of the world’s population and their geographic locality is facing some kind of pending environmental disaster, it will ripple and cause problems for the rest of us no matter how far away it might seem on your little office globe.

See: Refugee Crisis in Europe.

But, since an estimated 70 percent of the population of humanity lives within 100 miles of a coastal area, that’s where the bigger and more pressing problem is going to arise, right along with sea levels.

Barring some major technological breakthrough that either allows us to create a massive seawall along every coast in the world, or the newfound ability to put all our millions of buildings on unbreakable stilts, rising sea levels will force migration of coastal populations inland.

While land may exist for those migrants to move to, it’s already spoken for. Not sure if you remember this from science class, but new land cannot be created (outside China’s island growth).

So you have to take a look at what that land’s doing now.

Take a moment to think about it, I’m not going anywhere.

It’s being used to feed the world.

Now, it’s possible to say that you have densely-populated coastal areas that live in high rises, and that the further you move out toward rural areas, the construction gets more horizontal. It’s also possible to say that current suburbs and exurbs, and future (now-rural) developments could be built with a more vertical focus. While that’s good planning, it’s rarely the case for Redstate and rural Bluestate developers who love to buy farmland on the cheap and turn it around for quick profit.

For those of you paying attention, those developers are miserable fucking swine. Their natural enemy, city planners who prefer high density, are onto something, however. More on that later.

People on the run from climate change are desperate for anything, so instead of proper planning, you get refugee camps. Tents are notably horizontal. Can’t go building tents on top of tents on top of tents. Despite what Ready Player One would have you believe, the natural predilection humans have for fuckin shit up by stacking trailers on top of each other will not happen.

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The future they warned you about. Killer fact: Ain’t nobody in that future going to have the money for trailers, or to build the steel scaffolding holding them up (or the goddamn water/wastewater systems that will be needed, either).

If the vertical buildings don’t go up, then the horizontal buildings go out, eating up prime agricultural land formerly occupied by herds of livestock, and ya know, amber waves of grain.

But wait, there’s more.

It isn’t just the ocean and sea levels that rise. It’s every water level that’s connected to them. As oceans and seas rise, so do river deltas, so do the rivers, so do their tributaries and so do the lakes and reservoirs they’re connected to. This results in inland water sources overflowing what would now be considered their high-water marks and river banks, moving outward onto land that could be used for crops, or climate refugees.

Too much water inland results in some unexpected returns. Did you know that there are communities along a major river system in the Upper Midwest that have plans in place should the dams restricting water flow along their rivers fail?

Well, you still don’t. But you know enough to question it.

Killer fact: those plans exist, just not for the little people. 

Matrix-architect.jpg

“There are levels of survival we are prepared to accept.”                                                                                                                                                                                                            Dunno if you noticed, but the Architect being the WASP-iest of WASP-y motherfuckers ever brought into modern film wasn’t accidental. What’s really going to bake your noodle later on is, would you still have come to understand the Architect as patriarchal “doing-this-for-your-own-good” society if I hadn’t said anything? No. No, you stupid fucks, you wouldn’t have ever noticed. Also, note that the allegorical use of “we” in the Architect’s quote. It means that the powers-that-be in our country and others are ready to watch you drown, just so they can pick the pockets of your bloated, stinkin’ fuckin’ corpse.

So the end result (back outside the Matrix) is less land for people to live on, and more overall people living on that land. Remember, the population only really decreases in the event of massive pandemics or global war. You can’t rule these out, but only a sadist would count on them to solve the looming refugee crisis instead of being proactive about Climate Change.

So, the current 7.5-billion-and-growing population of humanity – still living within 100 miles of the coast but now further inland based on historical geographic boundaries – is now inhabiting what had formerly been prime agricultural land.

See the problem?

That problem, so big, so goddamned serious, prompted the DoD to create a new agency just to try to get a handle on things. This Center for Climate Security

Now that I’m sure that you’ve read that first study (since you are so studious), we’ll move to the next one. This argument is on the “Consensus” bullshit put forward by the partisans.

Here go.

If you want the Cliff Notes, go fuck yourself. We don’t do that around here.

Consensus has proven that Climate Change is happening, and has been since before politics got its nasty claws in it. Climate Change doesn’t give a fuck about “Liberal vs Conservative” and neither do I.

For instance, I’m sure you heard about how Exxon, before becoming ExxonMobil, was once one of the leaders in the energy industry in funding climate science. See, once upon a time they pretended to give a damn about the world they lived in.

One of their top men, James Black, provided this report to company execs, who promptly started throwing money at research on CO2 emissions and buildup, including a equipping its biggest fuckin’ supertanker with a fully functioning lab and instruments that measured CO2 in the oceans. Then, somewhere later, they got fuckin bought off and we only happen to know about this because of a Scientific American article that called them out on their monumental and historic bullshit. 

In the meantime, the damage had been done. While nearly all the scientific community had reached consensus, ExxonMobil’s reach and political bribes donations ensured that the water would be muddy, from here on out.

Still though, when 97 percent of experiments, surveys, polls and more resulting in the same conclusion, that’s not a predetermined outcome.  That’s science. And really, folks, I thought you fucking loved science?

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As seen in real life: Every last one of you piles of shit.

So, we’ve established that:

  • Climate change is going to affect EVERYONE
  • The powers-that-be (in the public and private sectors) have known for some time
  • Scientific consensus remains incredibly high as to the fact that Shit’s Changin’, Yo
  • We have time yet to do something about it.

So what do we do?

We hire the worst person in the world to lead the U.S. through it.

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You rang? Pictured: A dumb man’s version of a smart man; a poor man’s version of  rich man; a Christian man’s version of a Godly man; you know, a moron.

So this guy, whom I’m sure you will agree will need no introduction, ends up claiming the following (in an unnumbered list, because I like doing that today):

  • Climate change is a Chinese hoax
  • Refused to meet with the Netherlands Water Ambassador, the only of his kind on Planet Earth (more below)
  • WE’RE BRINGING BACK COAL (pro-tip: we’re not)
  • We removed ourselves from the “draconian” Paris Accords, putting us in such wonderful company as Angola and Yemen, the latter of which I’m told is engaged in a rather nasty imbroglio with the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia, not that it matters much since
  • We dropped out of the Kyoto Protocol in 2001. Thanks, Republicans!

Also, I forgot one…

  • Windmills cause cancer.

So, with the entirety of the 45th President’s administration disallowed from looking formally into the terrifying and looming effects of climate change, what’s left?

Well, I’m glad you asked, Random Internet Citizen Knave (RICK, for short).

You can still do things at home, and I’m not talking about turning down the thermostat and buying carbon credits. Maybe those can work, maybe not. Ask Al Gore.

You can, for instance, look up what that Water Ambassador does. Turns out, Planet Earth is covered in about 71 percent water. And The Netherlands has been staving off being reclaimed by that 71 percent of water for pretty much its whole existence.

See, the country exists mostly at or below sea level, with about half of its land being within one meter of sea level (one meter is about three feet for you Americans). Despite this problem, and the fact that water FUCKIN’ LOVES MOVING DOWNHILL, The Netherlands doesn’t have catastrophic flooding issues, like most of the U.S. Coastal areas now do.

How do, Mr. or Ms. Publius?

Well, it’s because they’re fuckin smart about it. Unlike your mother when chose not to swallow.

The Water Ambassador’s job is to tell people how his country is doing it. Despite nobody wanting to listen (aside from Mean Ol’ Publius, that is), here’s the breakdown (UNNUMBERED LIST COMIN’ ATCHA):

  • Coastal areas are nearly all green spaces, because green spaces are nature, and nature knows how to handle its business;
  • Next to coastal areas, and everywhere else where it seems logical, undergound parking garages are built. When flooding is predicted – and you can put money down on The Netherlands being able to predict flooding – they say “GET YER FOOKIN TROLLEYS OUTTA THE CEMENT DITCH” or however the fuck they talk over there (just kidding, Nederlands, ik hou van jou). Floodwaters fill the greenspaces and underground garages first, with little to no damage to infrastructure or vehicles or homes or, ya know, people.
  • Locks and channels and levees.

 

So now you have a list that includes:

  • Most of the Rest of the World
  • Nearly ALL its fuckin scientists
  • The Department of Defense
  • ExxonMobil (previous to political shenanigans)
  • One very specific, and highly-courteous individual, whose job it is to tell people what to do.

Oh yeah, and one more group: the U.S. Insurance Industry.

See, the Insurers have been getting awful tired of having to pay out. That’s not capitalistic, you see? Nevermind how in this case they’re also absolutely fuckin right. FEMA led on this one by mandating flood insurance be tied to new builds in flood zones, banks followed and the insurance industry complied, and now the industry is saying AW HELL NAH.

So who’s that leave to convince?

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This asshole, and all of his fuckin buddies.

We’re doomed. Start acting and voting like it.

Publius out.

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